Suddenly Emotional

this is my first blog that i post , where by now i'm at my own house now........ at this hour i should already sleep because of my tiredness of working in the shop and later morning i need to drive back to KL.... i already slept actually ..... but i feel some thing wrong in my dreams and feel sad..... so i wake up and do nothing now...... just because of this silly feeling.

yesterday i did moon cake my ownself, this is the very first time of me doing mooncake ..... and i did it nice and good in looking too...... so i will bring some back to penang to enjoy it ..... i will share this with the special her..... it was real hand made by me ... i hope she can feel the love that i create for her...... sorry to my penang buddys that reading this because i didn't share this moment with you all...... this moon cake i purposely come home and made for her so..... sorry to you all ok.....

i saw her msn pm wrote "left four months" is this the clue thar she talking about me ? or this is her last four months as well ? will she leave me suddenly ? is a guess that bodering me ..... haiz ...... shall i be the one that leaving ..... by why she is the one who wrote the time limit left ?
really make me want to know about it ........

i can tell you all that at this moment ..... i'm really emo...... because i may leave my home for few months..... maybe longer .... i gonna miss my parents and sisters over here..... my dogs too...... and i may leaving this country too...... if i got the contract offer......

if... if.. i really get the offer... i will make myslf to sign 5 years contract with boss..... so that after 5 years of working in others country.... i can enough saving to do everything i want..... if i really fly away from MY end of this years...... i only wish to say "i love you" to both of the ladies that able to make me cry..... i knew i will not call you both to say goodbye..... because i may not wanted to cry at the moment when i'm leaving..... and i knew SL will not wanted to knew the news that sound like this as well at the last minute...... because she use to be very very sad when alex tell her he will leaving the country when he was at the airport.......

so.... if .... if ....... i'm really leaving ...... i will go in silent....... so no one will realise i'm gone(i know i'm very good in playing this HILANG game ^^) i promise ..... i will gone in silent ... just like my blog title (mindsilentvoice)....

so...... i think i cant able to sleep anymore.... so i can only wait for the time ..... to start drive back to KL and head to penang at 5.30pm from puduraya....... i think tomorrow pudu gonna be very crowed.... haiz .......

wish you guys nice day.... sorry to make you all feel emo same like me after reading this post ..... cheers guys.... be happy always......

Feels Not Right

yupp this is the feeling that i have now ....... everything seems like going very wrong ..... i don't know how to say it out .... i just feel so ......

college just reopen ... now still the first week of the study ... but then i feel so wrong ... may be as a senior rank d .... feel so wrong .... feel like no life around here ... haiz ......

but i still to keep my promise to her ... i have to stay at penang till next year after september..... hmmm... hope to spend more time with her .....

actually ..... i have nothing in my mind to post about today... so... i would like to talk crap only .....

i just miss her very much ..... love her .... hmm..... hopefully .. got more time to spend with her ...... i wil miss the time we be togehter... miss you ......

updated:

when some thing not going right ..... i recieved a funny clip from her .... she make my day turn into good mood ....... she just the right person to be with ....... i just wanted more time to be with her .......

so here i'm to share the clip with you all......

so ..... u all just trust me ... he will be the next super star in town ........ he really good in dancing ...... ge even ca dance like MJ...... hahahaha ...... enjoy it .... she cheer up evening ...... i hope i can cheers your's too....

Up Up Up

Yupp... to my lovely readers ...... "Up" will be my topic today ........ you all watched it ? this is a very nice movie i can tell you ...... i'm not sure wil you all agree with me or not ... because you al out there may not like animation/ cartoon at all....... but for me .... i can tell you that i really like this movie .....

i only notice that i like to watch cartoon/animation when i was 18...... is true ... i really like bleach, naruto, Up, and lots more ..... i do enjoy watching cartoon.... because for me ... i do feel that cartoon can heal my emotional ...... it company me all the time when out here all alone when i turn into 18....

lets back to "Up"...... last night i went for this movie with siang and prince ...... first time .... i was in the cinema with al the kids in the cinema with me .... last night movie session...... there are alot of kids and parents rather couple or adult ..... and i think three of us are only the teenagers who sat inside the cinema enjoying the cartoon with those kids. ...

actaully those kids laugh happily ...... and we do follow them enjoy the scene too....... having a great time in there even though we dont know each others ...... back to my time when i was a kid ..... my parents dont bring me to cinema so often ... hahaha ...... that time thay all was busying working i think ....

hmm..... at the end of the story ....... it make my tears drop just one... because i do really in touched with the story line .... i like cartoon ... because it remind me alot of thing that happen to me ......

hmmm.... today classes was started ... kinda boring in the class.... feel sleepy ....... haiz ..... but this may be my last time sitting in class room .. studying ... so ... i have to enjoy my last four months and my last chance in class...... degree..... i may not make it already .... because financial problem ..... so.... this will be enough for me so reach so far ...... hopefully ...... can still continue study ...... wakakakkakakakka student life is always the best what .......

working l ife was not enjoy at all..... this month my income all stuck..... no job ...... all thanks to hungry ghost festival ...... house business stuck (during this month chinese less move house one), pc nad hp business kinda slow in move ..... event & entertaiment field die straight straight..... no PA and shooting vedio session... haiz ..... no income this month ...... suffer....... haiz ......

ok ends here for today .... bye ...

i miss her .... alot .....
miss you ... love you ..

College Reopen

Good Morning my lovely blog readers....... today is official first day of my college reopen..... so here i'm, back to the morning classes again....... this return back ... i upgreaded with the title most senior rank in the college ..... you know why ? because this is my final semester already .... so basically you say that this will be my last four month in this college. after that i will greaduate and i might end up meself of working in some where in this world ........ might be in singapore, might be in dubai, might be staying back in penang, or just pack all my stuff back to hometown...... haiz ...... don't know what decision i should made......

today as 25/08/2009........ look backward to 25/08/2009 it was two years back...... it was the first day i came to penang for education purposes. it was my first time come over penang ..... and it was a nice place to be in..... in this two years ... i was happy because i met my brothers here...... i met my friend here... and i met up some one i love here also...... here was a place that bring a new memory to me ..... it help me to walk over my old days ..... i started my working experience in entertaiment field here..... i started my PR's life here..... and i started to be tougher even untill now i'm still alone here .......

if you ask me am i regret to be here..... i will only answer you that is a give and take option for me ..... if two years back i choose to go UCSI or NOTT 's i might end up meeting up and be with her ...... and we might not needed to saperated .... and my life will mostly different from now ......

yes .... i'm the most senior rank in the college now...... i promise to did some thing serious crazy to UHM the college before i leave ..... this was the promise i made with germz ...... hahha ..... start today i should enjoy my last four months time in this college ...... (hopefully i can did that, actually i just wish that i can spend more time with her.....) so here i will end my writing ...... want get a short nap ...... later 1pm will have my second class.

wish you happy always ..... i do really miss you...

Junction

emotional moment now ..... things came into my mind ........ i really scare the time passes by.... this is the second time i hate this time passes by thing...... the first time was when she decide to continue a new life with him..... and that was a hurt time for me untill now...... and is a very very hard time for me ... even though almost one year story ago.......

soon in four months times.... i will be reaching another junction of life...... is time for me to make decision..... but this time i really scare to make decision... because i knew i in love with her ... and i hard to make and change on that ...... but i still got my parent to take care as well.... then is time for me to build up my career...... graduating soon ...... continue to study or not is another chapter story.....

i dont want to leave everything that beside me ..... but they soon or later will leave me too... because all of them not from the same place ... i just wish i can be with her till the end .... happy ever after ...

is time to me to say goodbye soon.... i admit that this time goodbye wil be that hardest and sadest once ..... because i'm leaving the girl love and i care , my brothers and my friend.... they walk along with me al this while ..... bring happiness to me all the time .... support me when i needed it ...

and now is the day counting down to the end ....... another sad fact is that this year will be my last year having brithday on this island ... i would like to be with all my brothers, friend and her to celebrate along ... i'm planning on it .... but on my birthday this year ... i was at melaka for the overland trainning for my tour guide course ... i missed out the day .......

i gonna miss alot of thing here...... i build up too many friendship here..... and son or later ... i'm leaving them ........

i really sad now ........ do abit feel like crying .....

sad .............................

Happy Mood

today i feel kinda happy in mood... you want to know why ? anyway i just want to share this feeling with you ........

when i was sleeping during the evening ....... my god mother called my by using 3G phone call..... and my mother just along with her talk with me ...... i feel so surprise and happy ...... because i'm in the sick mood ... i still can saw them in a far distand .... feel so great after the 3G phone call.....

i even forget about the service when i wanted to call.... then i perli them and say.... " wah... ma ma .... you both so high tech o..... use 3G call me" they answer me " ya la ...... we all got up to date one" hahahahahaha

just feel great to see them .......

Indian or Mamak Can't Enter World Cup ?

i just viewed a post named "curiosity kills a cat". it was posted from a wonderful lady blog page. Her post is kinda funny and also a logic once i think ...... so ..... her post changed my mind with all the idea that i have during my way home just now. since she is boring during her 4 month holiday ... let me share some funny story with you.......

this funny story will be the first one that i share with you before your holidays ends............ before i start my story telling i hope you do know a little bit about football and world cup ^^ (sorry if i sound rude..... because female don't really like football)

as my title sounded " indian or mamak can't enter world cup?" basically the story sound like this, there is a social factor and general knowledge proved that actually mamak and indians shall never ever play football or enter the world cup competition......... you know why?

it is because if their are given a corner kick at the field ................ they will surely use the corner side busy setting up their stall there to start to sell roti canai, mee goreng mamak and tea tarik rather kick start the football match........ in the end the football field's corner will turn into a mamak or indian roti canai hang out place.

is this funny story logic enough? wakakakakakakakkaak : X

blogger with the "curiosity kill a cat" post i hope you enjoy this page........

to others....... Ignore this post if it bothers you.....

Sick 03

today still in sick mood........ but not as sick as yesterday...... so i end up forcing myself to attend my night classes, half way during the class.... i cant stand the pain the suddently attack my head.... i though of excuse myself go home ..... but since i skip 1 week class to enjoy then now is pay back time. so i just ran out sentral to the nearest 7-11 brought myself panadol and a bottle of 1.5 liters mineral water..... i took 1 pil of the white medecine .... then feel much more better ..... until i finished my class at 10pm.

now already 10.50pm show on my pc.... i just want some one that can company me for a dinner ...... i treat also nevermind....(i post a wall post at facebook) but i think no one will turn on my offer ..... haiz ...... just a sad lonely guy....

today is my grandma birthday ...... happy birthday ah po......... sorry ya.... almost a year i cant make my time free to pay a visit to you...... i promise you after end of this before i plan my new plan again .. i will back home to stay with you 2 weeks ok !!

haiz ...... sad sad .... still no one reply my wall post in facebook....... so ..........
i think i wil just have to eat my pink , big and small white colour medicine then go to sleep lo .....

haiz ...... empty stomach eat medicine... i think i'm killing myself ...... ate two slice of bread before eat medicine lo.........

oh yar ... mummy called me just now ...... i can heard that she is very worried about me ...... i can just promise her i will take good care of myself ....... (pretend i'm ok during the phone call... not even one sound of coughing :P)

so ... i'm going to eat my bread now .. then follow with my "dessert" then i will have to go and sleep already .... because tomorrow morning i have to attend mesra melaysia program at sunway hotel from 9am till 5 pm...... (shit..... this feeling such as working lifestyle....)

ok la ...... i wanna stop here already ......... wish me recover as soon as possible la ...... then good night world ....... love you all ...... miss you so much .....

Sick 02

i'm still sick........ but getting better already ....... fever was not so high already ..... cough not so often already .... but my body still in pain.....

sleep for the hold day ........ ate biscuit and drink 100 plus.... lazy go out look for food ..... my housemate ask me go hospital for a check up , just worried that i infected with A(H1N1) , i just dont feel like go hospital lo..... tomorrow only see how la...... if tomorrow still didnt turn well.. then go see doctor lo .....

wanna go back to rest lo ......... good night ....

Sick

yesterday morning i back from melaka again....... this time for working purpose...... in 24 hour in and out between penang - melaka twice ...... finally make me fall sick......

yesterday i went for live shooting session for the era -11 concenrt at dataran phalawan melaka. i have the chance to have dinner with all the malay artist that perform that night, the artist include datuk siti nurhaliza as well....... what a lucky night.... having fun for this job .....

i'm still sick at this moment.... serious sick !!! high fever, flu, cough+headach...... damm suffer...... no one around to take care me ... just lonely fall sick........ haiz ....... hold body pain like hell ....

pain pain .... sick sick...... miss you ....

Nice Trip

at this hour..... i just back from melaka for my 1 week holiday .... i spend alot on food, location and gift...... i got alot of fun story wanted to share with u all... but i'm in serious tired after a long day of driving from melaka back to penang........

share with u all when ni get enough rest ok ??

i just back from melaka ...... boss called me tml go melaka for 1 day trip shooting for a malay concert ..... haiz ......... feel like people fooling me ....... but is ok right ? because tomorrow go melaka i was paid ... hahahahahha .... so i think i going to wash my dirty cloth now .. then get well rest ... because tomorrow i going to melaka to work ~~~~

09/08/09

today i went to pc fair...... i saw her walk pass me .... we smile at each other .........

i really miss you ...... i really do .........

love you..

Her

this post i would like to talk about her......... a sentence from her today do make me feel nice in the sense that i make me feel happy...... she post in fb said"tq for sumbody bought me a breakfast ..!!" i'm not sure y just she sms me and told me this .... but she choose to post in wall post......

i admit that i love her...... but i knew that i shouldn't to. this story started 1 year ago..... i meet her at my house due to some rental house dealing ...... that time she was with her cold highlighted curly hair..... her looks in this way really catch my sight straight away..... she in was a junior of mine.... but i never notice her before in the college compound... untill the day she came to my house...... i'm really feel that i'm a failer that time... because i never notice her....(not to say big .. in college i think no one will not know me in that particular time.... because i kinda like a high profile person in that period.... and technically saying is that i should see n notice every single face of the student in the college already..... mainly because i'm kinda like the fucked up person that hang around..... bully the senior and also junior with my new known buddy ..... waakakak ^^ )

after ther first met at my house...... everyday i went to college .... everytime i sat in the canteen the first thing i did is to search for her shadow....... done know start when .. i started to feel like i'm in love with her....

for everything i did..... i do not hope for credit... i just wanted to let her know that i do have a will to take care of her.. and i really do...... untill today...... things went complicated..... and i just dont know how to explain it...... so.... (i'm kinda tired now... continue later with this story if i have time...... wanted to sleep with the nice happy quote "tq for sumbody bought me a breakfast ..!!" from her...... )

{later 8 pm have to go work till tomorrow morning 6 am at pulau jerajak....... haiz ..... rest first ... to be continue.... }

07/08/09

today some thing happened ... it only last for one second, dont know you all notice or not. the day and time happened to be 123456789..... u how it be ? today at the time 12:34:56 date 07/08/09.
see .... this is wat i mean....

tired today... at 10am in the morning only i sleep ......

i got her a breakfast today...... hope she like the light meal .....

i dont know wat to write else..... because i did nothing hold day...... i skip my night class .. ^^
oh yar...... for one and the half month ... finally i keep my room....... it is clean now..... hahahahaha

goin vacation soon...... shall be happy ...

3.25am

the time on my computer showing me the time of 3.25 in the morning .... i'm still stay awake....
actualy i'm watching TVC on youtube..... the TVC that i watched all related about chinese new year reunion, raya, depavali and funeral...... in all this TVC it show us how important that family loves to us.... so... i do get touched by their TVC..... this feeling make me post my second post in few hours time....

as so far as i live on this planet that called earth.... there was 2 women and 2 ladies that touched my feeling very deep.......

the two women are my mother and my god mother... in my memory ...... the sentences tha she always said to me ... i will always remember in my heart... i feel sorry to them because currently i'm only almost done with my tertiary education.... i will on my way fight for my career.... i'm still new in the society even thought i started to work at the age of 12. i promise you both that within 5 years time.... i will go back to take care of you both ...... i promise.....

the 2 ladies that i mention..... 1 is the girl that i use to be with for 3 years... another 1 will be the one that i shall never fall in love to...... both of them do seriously touched me deep down my heart......

for the four female that i mentioned..... i do cried for them many times ..... and i dont know why.... every night before i sleep.. i will think of them ... alot of 5W1H question will appear in my mind to ask towards them ..... for my mother and my god mother it is defenately ok .. i can call them any time i wanted to... but for the 2 ladies ...... i may not do so... for some reason .... and i dont know what is the reason..... i feel like i have no more balls on me when i call them..... i use to talk with them for more then a hours last time .... but now...... even if she answer the phone and only reply me a word of "hello" i would not dare to listen....... dont know start when i become so coward..........

i would just wanted to say that i fall in love with the ladies that i should be in love with ..... but then i still stubborn to do so...... i'm making myself suffer.... i'm such a silly stupid shit......

hahahahahaha .... i'm scolding myself.. i just cant believe this ........
ok.... my tears had dry at this moment... then i think i shall go to sleep now .....

nightz.

updated:

now already 6.22am showing in my computer clock..... i still stay awake........ what really happened to me ?

arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....................

i'm goin to be crazy already.........

Busy + Moody

Blog empty for few days..... because i'm kinda busy with the next week trip. I have to check the hotel room rate, do reservation for the room , arrange the places to visit and plan for the bujet as well.... everynight i do feel like wanted to write a post about it, in my mind i do have to hold article to write about, but after i got everything in my mind ..... i feel like what i wanted to say already spoke out..... so ...... i didn't make a post anymore.....

actually tonight things happened the same ..... on the way back from the night school... the hold article do came in to my mind ... when the moment i reach home i do feel lazy to write a post anymore... so i just go to sleep at 10.30pm without eat my dinner...... by the time of 12.30am i heard her sound, i knew she just next room to mine....

her voice woke me up, i do wanted to hear from her.. but dont know why... my heart pain after i listened to her... so i just took my helmat then i when out from the house...... i knew my action is avoiding the situation..... for now i just couldn't tough enough to face the fact yet......

look at the calender... there is few more months for me to officially hang out in this lovely state .... i really dont want to leave from this state ....... because for the past 2 years i build my brotherhood here.... i build my friendship here.. and ..... u met someone i do care and i love...... (tonight will not mention the person i met and i love ok! ). i knew if i leave here.. i might never come back here anymore.....

for the past 2 years, i saying the truth... 3 uncle the watch me grown up since im a little kid passed away... and i never knew untill i when back to my hometown few month after their funeral. i'm feel really sorry to them because i didn't attend their funeral and send my last bless to them.... few of my friend passed away too ... and i also dont know untill i when back to my hometown....... and alot of my brothers left me because they graduate already.....

end of this year ... is my turn to graduate..... the new brotherhood that i build up.. i really dont wanted to leave them..... my feeling really mixed up with alot of sadness.... i'm a person that bare to lost all thing ...... but not relationship ..... either a love relationship , a friendship , a brotherhood or relationship with my family.......

i'm really confuse with myself..... i seriously lost in the middle of no where..... i really cant find my way out .... can some one lead me to a fair ending ?

end of this year i have to make a decision wether i wanted to stay here of leave..... if i stay here i will be a University student continue my studies for another year...... if i went off from this state i might aplly myself to work with RWS, or went to dubai to b a contract worker with a 60K annual payment. then i still need to consider to go back my hometown to work as well.... because my parents not young anymore... they need my care as well..... infact i hate to be the eldest among my sisters... because i need to plan everything well.... because every decision i made will brings a big effect on me in the future......

what am i going to do ???? some one that free.... to drop me a comment and leave me some word...

another 3days i will having my vacation..... for hold week.. i shall feel happy and excited by now... but.... dont know why i didn't feel so.....

haiz ..........

Boring.....

2 days had passed .... i still stim on friday night memory...... i so wanted to go sunset make myself drunk again......... (i'm not addicted to alcohol ok !!! just my mood now is with beer) i knew i shall well control myself from the piss drink...... so..... i will hold on this feeling till november... so i can seriously make all this piss into the dangerous liquor mixture...... wakakak :)

so ... officially today is my first day having holiday for my day college....... so boring ..... everyone go back to hometown.... left me alone here..... shit..... all because of sentral...... every night i still have to attend classes....... is everynight !!! hai .... some saturday and sunday i have to go back to the classes too....... i'm tied up with this college already... haiz ..... i hope end of this year ... i can graduate from both of this college and get the cert at the same time....... hopefully by dec 15 2009 i can finished everything up !!!!! looking foward for this date......

sadly to said ..... graduate means a new life coming.... i hate to have another new life.... for the pass 3 years left my home,go around paninular malaysia to find my own spot to live on... i think end of this year i must consider myself where shall i be again ..... hopefully i can stay in penang till Aug 2010 so that i can keep my promise towards a person... then i will definitely consider where shall i be in the future.... hopefully is a island that brings me hope and my career....

haiz ....... stuck with the night classes at sentral..... holiday during the day..... seriouly make me feel like i'm a pig.... sleep till late noon..... finished my branch then continue sleep again ..... haiz .... so no life......

start tomorrow i think i will keep on my own track..... to cut down 50% of the size...... so ... hardcore war shall happenned soon .......

today is 3rd Aug is Prince Birthday .... happy birthday to him lo .......

Happy Birthday Prince

Happy Birthday Prince.......

i would like to say this to my brother prince. last friday night i skip my work from mois to attend my brother's birthday. we went to sunset bistro at batu ferringgih . that night we had a good time there.....

i admitted that i'm so stim that night after trying to clear all the beer that left out, in the end i still couldn't manage to do so because i want too tired and abit drunk after the 9 bucket beer plus my sleepless night for hold week because my final exam.

that night i was happy because i manage to celebrate another brother's birthday with him. plus that night really a best night for me to get some alcohol so that i can try to make myself drunk and don't ever wanted to think all the sad fact the i heard few days back.

at least that i able to make myself drunk, safely send all buddy home and sleep hold day for the next day. Prince really drunk like shit that night , eventually he still sober enough to watch the firework that i risk my own safety to put for him.

this fellow messed up sunset bistro by vomiting his birthday cake and beer in the bistro after their business hour.

serious talking here... i enjoy the night even though prince was drunk, but then still got my brother siang and mars to drink with me ...... at least i still sober to know mr alex and mr john that night.

i hoping that one day in this year i will manage to have some thing same like this but that time i wish all buddy that was there shall drink along with me without and one stopping each other..... just make yourself drunk like shit then just sleep quietly at the beach for the hold morning .

this will be a day that my memory will always remember off... because it was really a memorable hang out night with all my buddy .......

we hope and wish for the next liquor and alcohol night ok !!

here i'm off..... holiday now... but serious lonely now....... fuck !!! i'm too free to stay alone and feel the loneliness.........