Blog empty for few days..... because i'm kinda busy with the next week trip. I have to check the hotel room rate, do reservation for the room , arrange the places to visit and plan for the bujet as well.... everynight i do feel like wanted to write a post about it, in my mind i do have to hold article to write about, but after i got everything in my mind ..... i feel like what i wanted to say already spoke out..... so ...... i didn't make a post anymore.....
actually tonight things happened the same ..... on the way back from the night school... the hold article do came in to my mind ... when the moment i reach home i do feel lazy to write a post anymore... so i just go to sleep at 10.30pm without eat my dinner...... by the time of 12.30am i heard her sound, i knew she just next room to mine....
her voice woke me up, i do wanted to hear from her.. but dont know why... my heart pain after i listened to her... so i just took my helmat then i when out from the house...... i knew my action is avoiding the situation..... for now i just couldn't tough enough to face the fact yet......
look at the calender... there is few more months for me to officially hang out in this lovely state .... i really dont want to leave from this state ....... because for the past 2 years i build my brotherhood here.... i build my friendship here.. and ..... u met someone i do care and i love...... (tonight will not mention the person i met and i love ok! ). i knew if i leave here.. i might never come back here anymore.....
for the past 2 years, i saying the truth... 3 uncle the watch me grown up since im a little kid passed away... and i never knew untill i when back to my hometown few month after their funeral. i'm feel really sorry to them because i didn't attend their funeral and send my last bless to them.... few of my friend passed away too ... and i also dont know untill i when back to my hometown....... and alot of my brothers left me because they graduate already.....
end of this year ... is my turn to graduate..... the new brotherhood that i build up.. i really dont wanted to leave them..... my feeling really mixed up with alot of sadness.... i'm a person that bare to lost all thing ...... but not relationship ..... either a love relationship , a friendship , a brotherhood or relationship with my family.......
i'm really confuse with myself..... i seriously lost in the middle of no where..... i really cant find my way out .... can some one lead me to a fair ending ?
end of this year i have to make a decision wether i wanted to stay here of leave..... if i stay here i will be a University student continue my studies for another year...... if i went off from this state i might aplly myself to work with RWS, or went to dubai to b a contract worker with a 60K annual payment. then i still need to consider to go back my hometown to work as well.... because my parents not young anymore... they need my care as well..... infact i hate to be the eldest among my sisters... because i need to plan everything well.... because every decision i made will brings a big effect on me in the future......
what am i going to do ???? some one that free.... to drop me a comment and leave me some word...
another 3days i will having my vacation..... for hold week.. i shall feel happy and excited by now... but.... dont know why i didn't feel so.....
haiz ..........
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