3.25am

the time on my computer showing me the time of 3.25 in the morning .... i'm still stay awake....
actualy i'm watching TVC on youtube..... the TVC that i watched all related about chinese new year reunion, raya, depavali and funeral...... in all this TVC it show us how important that family loves to us.... so... i do get touched by their TVC..... this feeling make me post my second post in few hours time....

as so far as i live on this planet that called earth.... there was 2 women and 2 ladies that touched my feeling very deep.......

the two women are my mother and my god mother... in my memory ...... the sentences tha she always said to me ... i will always remember in my heart... i feel sorry to them because currently i'm only almost done with my tertiary education.... i will on my way fight for my career.... i'm still new in the society even thought i started to work at the age of 12. i promise you both that within 5 years time.... i will go back to take care of you both ...... i promise.....

the 2 ladies that i mention..... 1 is the girl that i use to be with for 3 years... another 1 will be the one that i shall never fall in love to...... both of them do seriously touched me deep down my heart......

for the four female that i mentioned..... i do cried for them many times ..... and i dont know why.... every night before i sleep.. i will think of them ... alot of 5W1H question will appear in my mind to ask towards them ..... for my mother and my god mother it is defenately ok .. i can call them any time i wanted to... but for the 2 ladies ...... i may not do so... for some reason .... and i dont know what is the reason..... i feel like i have no more balls on me when i call them..... i use to talk with them for more then a hours last time .... but now...... even if she answer the phone and only reply me a word of "hello" i would not dare to listen....... dont know start when i become so coward..........

i would just wanted to say that i fall in love with the ladies that i should be in love with ..... but then i still stubborn to do so...... i'm making myself suffer.... i'm such a silly stupid shit......

hahahahahaha .... i'm scolding myself.. i just cant believe this ........
ok.... my tears had dry at this moment... then i think i shall go to sleep now .....

nightz.

updated:

now already 6.22am showing in my computer clock..... i still stay awake........ what really happened to me ?

arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....................

i'm goin to be crazy already.........